Sag Harbor Pizza!
by foxwhiskers
Summary: Combine four Catholic School Girls, Harry Potter characters and a burning desire to have Sag Harbor pizza and you get...
1. Part 1

Three Word Fan Fic  
  
Written by me and some friends due to extreme boredom! Keep in mind that at some points during the story, it might not make sense, but what do you expect from a three word fan fic? So bare with me!  
  
Disclaimer: No original Hp characters are mine obviously, but Manda, Kerri, Meg, Anne and 'Sticker Guy'/Seth belong to me and my friends.  
  
Summary: A very funny three word fanfic that we have rated 'R' for sexual content, we hope you enjoy.  
  
Now on with the story.  
  
Harry Potter is asleep at 4 every day because he spends the nights sleeping with various men and his blow-up woman-toy which makes him a horny hottie. But evil Uncle Vernon caught him one night in a compromising position with the dashing and hunky godfather, "Harry," Sirius said, "I didn't know that you had an 11 incher. That's some blow-up-woman."  
  
"Thanks Sirius, I could loan you her some time if you like." (-Harry)  
  
"I'd love to!" (-Sirius)  
  
Harry smiled but then Sirius pounced on top of the blow-up woman-toy.  
  
"BOY," shrieked Uncle Vernon "Gimme some of that wobbie lengthy and thick blow-up woman-toy!"  
  
"NO, SHE'S MINE!" (-Harry)  
  
"Who are you?" Sirius ejaculated loudly.  
  
"I'm Vernon Dursley, the biggest git in the universe thank-you very much!" (-Vernon)  
  
Sirius looked at Harry's bulging pants.  
  
"Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ Harry," He touched it delicately, "Your penis is bigger than I ever dreamed of possible!" (-Sirius)  
  
Harry blushed deeply, "Only you can willingly stroke it." (-Harry)  
  
Sirius then jumped strattling Harry on his bed while doing Hermione Granger.  
  
"Hermione," Harry shouted, "Fuck me hard."  
  
"Mmmm, Harry baby." (-Hermione)  
  
"Excuse me," Sirius exclaimed, "I believe that's my girl and I had a painful erection from Harry, exposing my humble 9-incher and I thought I'd have a chocolate pudding snack."  
  
"Fine, get out!" (-Harry)  
  
"What are you going to do to ME, I'm lying right here." (-Hermione)  
  
"I'M STILL HERE!" (-Vernon)  
  
"Who cares?" They shouted, and then drew their lubricated wands and zapped Vernon into their next-door neighbor's bathtub. Whom promptly died the second he saw the fat git's arse fly into his bath-tub. Vernon then belched the Smelting's school national anthem from his old school cheer- leading mega phone!  
  
**Back in Harry's steam filled bedchamber**  
  
"Hermione's shower is also mine, BACK OFF!" (-Ron)  
  
"Sheesh, Ron, touché!" (-Harry)  
  
"OoOo, fight, fight!" (-Sirius)  
  
"No fighting," Harry said to everyone, "I just cleaned!"  
  
"For me," Hermione batted her eyelashes, "He'll do anything!"(-Hermione)  
  
"She's mine," Ron exclaimed loudly, "I love her, Harry!"  
  
"I fucked her!" (-Harry)  
  
"I love her!" (-Ron)  
  
Hermione started to laugh at them, then jumped Harry's trunk and grabbed his throbbing tallywacker.  
  
"Hermione," Harry said, "Ride me dickie!"  
  
Sirius watched this graphic orgy while quite amused at Hermione bouncing up- and-down humping the bedpost as Ron pumped up the airbed to prepare for his hot and sweaty sex with Hermione Kristina Granger. Hermione had other less sexual plans. Sirius felt discluded so he floo-ed to Meg's hotel-room and brought back a grammar book and the Slut-Sisters. Everyone stared at the four sexy extremely luscious women all wearing Catholic-School-Girl-Uniform- Skirts and knee-high socks and combat boots.  
  
"Can we join?" Kerri asked Harry.  
  
"Knock your socks off all night?" (-Harry)  
  
Kerri jumped Harry while Draco Malfoy strutted to Anne.  
  
"Nice hair-gel, can I have a taste of your specialty sausage?" (-Anne)  
  
"Can Slytherins do anything but fucking?!" (-Draco)  
  
"NO!" chorused everyone.  
  
"Hey Handsome," Meg said, eyeing Sirius, "Can I interest you in some hot, steamy sex?"  
  
"It's about time!" (-Sirius)  
  
Meg pounced and tackled Sirius to the luxurious airbed to play all-night.  
  
A knocking came from the door.  
  
"Who is it? (-Manda)  
  
"A sexy Quidditch player!" (-Oliver Wood)  
  
"Someone's confident." Meg snorted out loud.  
  
"That I am." (-Oliver)  
  
Manda opened the door to see a naked hunk-of-burning-love!  
  
"My hero!" squealed Manda who immediately flung herself at the sexy stud- muffin.  
  
"Trust a Wood to always arrive right on time." Hermione and Ron said in unison.  
  
"Herms, let's fuck!" (-Ron)  
  
"Hellz yea Ronnikins!" (Hermione)  
  
They collapsed on top of the sparkly vibrating dildo.  
  
"Ohhhh, Ron!" moaned Oliver very throatily.  
  
"Yes, yes, YES!" (-Hermione)  
  
"Wait!" cried Ron, "You're fucked-up Oliver!"  
  
"I know," said Anne, "That's why Manda's fucking him."  
  
"Oh, sorry, continue." (-Ron)  
  
"Right-o," said Oliver, "back to business."  
  
"It's going to rain cum-buckets tonight!" Harry declared spiritedly.  
  
Kerri and Harry rolled around beneath the sticky bed-sheets groaning and moaning, stroking and teasing, pushing and pulling, cumming and going, ejaculating and riding.  
  
Meanwhile Anne and Draco were having a mass orgy in the closet. They were touching and fondling each and every pleasurable place they could think of and even invented a new way to have anal sex without using anything but their mouths and their fingers and thumbs.  
  
Sirius and Meg were playing games, twister, but orgy-style.  
  
"Right foot on 'fuck on bed'" (-Meg)  
  
"As you wish." Sirius grunted erotically.  
  
"Good genie!" Meg then rubbed him three times for maximum erectile length to occur within the enormous shlong.  
  
"The joys of being Sirius Black and playing Twister." (-Sirius)  
  
"Manda!!!!!" groaned Oliver.  
  
"Oliver!!!" cried Manda.  
  
"Manda you are the best fuck I've ever had in my life!" (-Oliver)  
  
"Now that's something!" (-Manda)  
  
"Tell me about it!" (-Oliver)  
  
"Oh, I would not say that, It would never end!" (-Manda)  
  
Meanwhile Ron and Hermione were panting like wild dogs during the aftermath of their third go, and were calculating their fourth attempt in great climactic utter bliss. Once again, Ron came back for another round of hide and go fuck-significant-other's arse, his favorite past-time. He also liked 'twist and shout'.  
  
Harry was busy with Kerri under a polka-dot umbrella while singing Jimmy Buffet's 'Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw' rather off key, so Kerri told him to shut his sexy mouth and snog her absolutely positively senseless!  
  
"Don't stop Harry!' (-Kerri)  
  
"Trust me; I have no intention of doing anything of the sort." (-Harry)  
  
Kerri giggled at his rather wild and sexy raven colored hair that reminded her of the sparkling night and her lace 'Victoria's Secret' thong.  
  
**Back to Anne and 'Drakie' (Draco)**  
  
"You are as totally and completely obsessed with sex," Anne said matter-of- factly, "As a jack-rabbit for Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ's sake!"  
  
"What tipped you off, Catholic School girls are fast fucks, my father told me, he was right for once." (-Draco)  
  
"Tee-hee, so true!" (-Anne)  
  
"Now that was a first," Sirius proclaimed so suddenly that everyone stopped, "Lucius being right is like Hermione not doing school-work."  
  
"The horror!" Meg very dramatically squeaked.  
  
"Says Ms. Sarcasm!' Manda exclaimed while entertaining Oliver with a cherry Bertie-Bott's-Every-Flavoured-Bean and a very shaken-up baby orangutan.  
  
"More, more, more!!!!!" Oliver moaned appreciatively.  
  
"Anything for you, you sexy kangaroo!" (-Manda)  
  
"Hippity-Hoppedy!" Sirius spluttered out loud, being the peanut-gallery loving artistic sex-god that he was.  
  
Hermione instantly meowed.  
  
"Here kitty, kitty, that's a good little kitty-witty!" (-Ron)  
  
"Stop, Ron, you're making me masturbate!" (-Hermione)  
  
"Eat my shorts!" (-Harry)  
  
"How will that work, you're not wearing them now!' (-Kerri)  
  
"That's because you're giving me the best blow-job I ever had in my whole life!" (-Harry)  
  
"Duh, Kerri's giving it that's why!" (-Anne)  
  
"What about Oli's very enthusiastic 'talent'?" (-Manda) "That one's illegal in 25 states and most of Canada's toxic waters, including Montreal." (-Sirius)  
  
"WOW!!! Look at that massive, throbbing erection the sticker-guy has!" (- Anne)  
  
"Talking about Seth-brother-fucking-Green and all is making everybody very, very horny indeed Anne." (-Meg)  
  
"Kerri!" Sethy shouted loudly," where's your birth-control?"  
  
"Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, who invited Seth? Hey Anne, where's Draco's penis?" (-Kerri)  
  
"Down Seth's pants!" (-Harry) "Anne will have Hermione with Ron."  
  
"Didn't Anne always want Seth and Draco pie?" (-Harry)  
  
"Only when she's not with 'Sticker Guy." (-Kerri)  
  
"I wanna go hump a tree," groaned Draco morosely. "Cause Anne already got jiggy with the Goody-Goody Gryffindors."  
  
"Don't forget Sethy!" (-Hermione)  
  
"And Sticker Guy." (-Ron)  
  
"When was the last intense-sex-orgy that I was in?" asked Oliver.  
  
"Five-seconds ago." Grumbled Sirius.  
  
"Take a chance." (-Meg)  
  
"And get screwed!" (-Anne)  
  
"Make it Happen." (-Kerri)  
  
"Pop the cork." (-Manda)  
  
"Too late!" (-Sirius)  
  
"Fingers snapping!" (-Oliver)  
  
"I love" (-Harry) "to have a full-fired blood-filled erection!"  
  
"You like orgasms!" (-Kerri)  
  
"Of course I do, everyone does!!" (-Harry)  
  
"Except celibate losers!" (-Draco)  
  
"Go left Anne!" (-Seth)  
  
"But I already went left! I'm going in circles!!!" (-Anne)  
  
"That's why I think you should go right now!" (-Meg)  
  
"I need a blow-job!" (-Ron)  
  
"You are such a fast-fuck Ronniekins!" (-Herm)  
  
"Yeah I am" (-Ron)  
  
"We need pizza!" (-Sirius)  
  
"How about we go to Sag Harbor? (-Kerri, Hermione, Manda, Meg and Anne)  
  
"But how would we get there?" (-Draco)  
  
"Illegal flying carpet?" (-Oliver)  
  
"Damn straight!" (-Harry)  
  
"We'll bring Petey!" (-Manda)  
  
"The magical dildo!" (-Kerri)  
  
"Blackie baby you have the biggest dick next to the one Harry has." (- Kerri)  
  
"How dare you!" (-Meg)  
  
"How dare I?" (-Kerri)  
  
"Fuck on the inflated pool bed you skanky whore!" (-Manda)  
  
"I am. Pizza?" (-Meg)  
  
"We'll apparate there!" (-Harry)  
  
"And make sweet love!" (-Seth)  
  
"We're under-aged Harry!" (-Herms)  
  
"We have sex all the time!" (-Draco)  
  
"We'll get splinched!" (-Herms)  
  
"Illegal-magic-carpet it is!" (-Harry)  
  
"Go screw yourself!" (-Draco)  
  
"You first, Limp Noodle!" (-Harry)  
  
"I resent that!" (-Draco)  
  
"I'm harder than a steel beam!" (-Harry)  
  
"You both are harder than a steel-beam. Now let's go!" (-Sirius) 


	2. AN

A/N: This is not the whole story there's about 10-15 pages of this fic that my friends and I wrote, and oh yea, please review! ( And be nice since this is my first fic I've ever posted. I'll post more parts soon! 


	3. Part 2

*At a yacht in Sag Harbor*  
  
"Pizza-time! Let's go guys!" (-Kerri)  
  
"We should buy strawberry flavored ice-cream condoms!" (-Meg)  
  
"I prefer chocolate." (-Anne)  
  
"How about Harry-flavored?" (-Kerri)  
  
"Look! A pizza-serving-sex-joint!!!!!!!!" (-Manda)  
  
"Oh. How convenient!" (-Oliver)  
  
"Shall we sally-forth?" (-Meg)  
  
"Well of course!" (-Kerri)  
  
"Now for the real decision, toppings!" (-Oliver)  
  
"And the porn-videos." (-Manda)  
  
"Don't forget the kinky dance hall!" (-Sirius)  
  
"Or the belly-dancers!" (-Ron)  
  
"Welcome to Pleasure Island!" (-Harry)  
  
"We're in Disney World!?" (-Kerri)  
  
"Close, Long Island." (-Anne)  
  
"Dratters, now I want a Mickey-Mouse-Ice-Cream-Pop!" (-Meg)  
  
"I need a porn-shop!" (-Harry)  
  
"I repeat: pizza-serving-sex-joint." (-Sirius with hand motions)  
  
"Oh yeah, even better! Extra-cheese anyone?" (-Harry)  
  
"Cheese is code-named lubricant, preferable broomstick." (-Oliver)  
  
"Men and Quidditch are my favorite things in the whole lemony-goodness world!" (-Kerri)  
  
"Toppings are important." (-Manda)  
  
"And so is having stickers handy!" (-Sticker-Guy)  
  
"Where'd you go?" (-Meg to the Sticker Guy)  
  
"Anne wanted me to give her a stick of cum flavored gum so she could taste a piece of. pie whenever she so desired! (-Sticker Guy)  
  
"Long line, Sticker Guy!" (-Sirius)  
  
"Everyone wants to be me, Mutt!" (-Sticker Guy)  
  
"I'm purebred both ways Scruffy!" (-Sirius)  
  
"Let's have sex." (-Meg whispers to Sirius suggestively)  
  
"What about dinner?" (-Ron)  
  
"We can have that in between love-making sessions stud!" (-Herms)  
  
"Aren't we doing that already?" (-Harry)  
  
"The bohemians are taking over the streets of Sag Harbor!" (-Draco)  
  
"Let's eat sex all night long!" (-Seth)  
  
"Hear-hear, hunky sex-god!" (-Anne)  
  
"Run, now, go!!!" (-Manda)  
  
"Why should I? (-Oliver)  
  
"Anne chose you to have a super sexy pizza, extra cheese no doubt." (- Oliver)  
  
"The dollar-fifty extra-cheese-topping." (-Anne)  
  
"It's all good!" (-Ron)  
  
"Everybody inside now!!" (-Sirius said pushing everyone inside the place)  
  
"Let's order some triple cheese, extra sexy blueberry stud-muffins on the side." (-Meg)  
  
"Yummy, sounds delicious." (-Kerri)  
  
"Dancing, we need a new dildo and scratching post." (-Manda)  
  
"We used them at out last couple of 'get togethers." (-Kerri)  
  
"Considering you are extremely horny for a bunch of Chiquita bananas from Bergen County, NJ. Even though you act British." (-Anne)  
  
"You are so very fucked-up!" (-Sirius)  
  
"Yeah, I know." (-Oliver)  
  
"We love fucking!" (-Seth)  
  
"Especially Anne and the Sticker Guy." (-Kerri)  
  
"Oooo!!" (-Manda)  
  
"Sticker-Guy more like Draco Malfoy." (-Harry)  
  
"Ooo, bad arse!" (-Meg)  
  
"Bring it on!" (-Anne)  
  
"It's already been broughten!" (-Draco)  
  
"Oh Jesus-Square-Dancing-Christ Draco!" (-Seth)  
  
"Look at the huge bloody-hell cocks!" (-Hermione)  
  
"I want a big orgasm, Drakey!" (-Anne)  
  
"He's a Slytherin with much talent!" (-Manda)  
  
"Not that much." (-Sirius)  
  
"Damn straight, Sir!"(-Harry)  
  
"I need your giant flaming cock you bad-arse Slytherin!" (-Anne)  
  
"Here's the pizza I promised you!" (-Meg) "Straight from Sag Harbor!"  
  
"Into the left-door!" (-Anne)  
  
"Is where we enter ladies and my fellow perverts!" (-Draco)  
  
"Men are idiots." (-Manda)  
  
"That's because we think with our inflamed robotic play-toys." (-Harry states matter-of-factly)  
  
"Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, Harry Potter!" (-Sirius) "I thought it was blow up but no, now it's robotic? Sheesh!!!!"  
  
"Tasteless, Potter, tasteless." (-Meg)  
  
a/n: how do you like it so far? I really really need to know! Did you like it or do you think im wasting my precious time? There's more to come but me and my friends have to make it up first! At this point we have 3 lines after the ending of this section.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! Thanx a bunch! - foxwhiskers 


End file.
